How To Make An O…

If you’re like me, you’re a big fan of college football. And if that’s the case then you’ll have heard my favorite team is headed to the National Championship game, or Natty round these parts. That’s right the Ducks from the University of Oregon are headed to the Natty to take on the Tigers from Auburn.

As I stood in my seat at Reeser stadium, watching the Ducks wrap up a perfect 12-0 season, it dawned on me that some Duck fans are indeed letting the team down. I’m not entirely sure they know exactly what they’re doing wrong, but my friends it annoys me to no end when it happens. I am talking of course about, The Vagina Hand.

Let me explain for the non Duck fans out there. See one of the University of Oregon’s many logos is the ‘O.’ it’s one of the more popular logos the school uses and you may have even seen Reese Witherspoon sporting an ‘O’ hat while she galavanted around Hollywood the other day. This logo has transformed into a hand symbol that many of the fans of Oregon deploy to show their allegiances.

However, many fans arent exactly doing it correctly, which is resulting in The Hand Vagina. If you are unaware of what exactly the hand vagina is here is a picture …

I Give You The Hand Vag...

As one can clearly see this isn’t exactly an ‘O.’ what it is, is a derogatory hand gesture usually given to some who’s being a pussy. To be honest, this was a usual hand gesture that was thrown about left and right in my house in college, and usually whilst playing some sort of college football on the Playstation.

While this may be a little derogatory and crass, other people in this world have made millions off The Hand Vagina. First, I believe Jay Z instituted the ‘Roc-A-Fella’ hand gesture which is just a little different from The Hand Vagina…

Jay Z. Kanye. Roc-A-Fella. (Hand Vag)

I haven’t seen Jay utilize the Roc lately. Maybe that’s because his hand are so heavy from trying to carry all that money he makes. Or maybe he’s too busy grabbing Beyonce’s ass… I mean, I would.

Another person that capitalized on a Hand Vagina variation was a wrestler by the name of Diamond Dallas Page. Back in the day I used to be a huge wrestling fan. In fact one spring break my college roommate and I took a trip to Houston to go to Wrestlemania. And to bs honest it was a baddass trip. Of course I was pretty hammered for 99% of the trip which may or may not have lead to an eyebrow piercing, but that’s niether here nor there.

Where was I…. Oh right Diamond Dallas Page. DDP (as he was known by his close friends) had a move called the Diamond Cutter, which of course was his “finishing move.” right before the maneuver was to be executed, DDP would throw up his hand and make the hand vagina The Diamond symbol, and boom! Lays out his opponent with the Diamond Cutter. Finishing the match and walking out of the ring victorious.

DDP and The Diamond Cutter (Hand Vag)

Now that I think about it, pretty sure DDP tried suing Jay for use of his hand symbol.

You may be asking what’s this got to do with Oregon? Well friends a lot. Too many times have i seen it happen people just getting lazy with their ‘Os’. They figure hey it kinda looms like an O, it’s above my head, all my friends are doing it. But people, it’s not ok. It just isn’t. You’re not a rap mogul. You’re also not a wrestler (even if you’re wearing and green and yellow Lucha libre mask)

Now, you may bs saying, “hey my favorite Duck throws up his hands in the Hand Vagina way! I’m going to do the same.”

Yes young fan he is. He is also given this kick ass Nike gloves from Uncle Phil too.

Gloved 'O'

Your favorite Duck player has no choice.. Those gloves make the O for him. So, again unless you’re Jay Z, DDP, or an actually player sporting the Nike Zoom gloves, you should be making the proper O.

Here is a quick lesson on the proper O.

Take your right hand and actually make a C.

RIght half...

Take your left and and make a C.

Left Half

Bring your left hand and right hand together, bam! The Perfect O.

Perfect O

(actually the perfect O is completely elusive and unknown to men)
(come on, you didn’t think I’d go the whole blog talking about hand vaginas and Os without at least ONE innuendo)

Remeber everyone, you don’t see Texas fans throwing up the horns with a pinky bent.

Longhorns...

Or you don’t see Red Raider fans throwing up guns without the thumb up.

Guns Up.

It just doesn’t happen. So fellow Duck fans, I urge you to perfect your Os, to hold them high, and represent the Ducks as they look to roll the Tigers in the Natty.

Oh, and one last thing….

Puddles. He'll see you in Glendale.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Go Ducks!

Email me at
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com

What I’m Thankful For…

I recently looked and realized for a minute there I was posting every other day. Then came some time spent in the bakery of The Warehouse and I noticed that my posting, like my dignity, was fading away. So here I am. With a more of a promise to try and post a little more often.

A friend of mine who writes a blog had a pretty sweet post of the things she is thankful for. She used Flickr and it was pretty awesome. I was impressed. My list however is unique, and I don’t think I can find some of the images. (You’ll see soon enough.) So, with that being said, here goes my list.

(in no particular order.)

I’m Thankful for….
Turkey
Playing Thanksgiving Day football.
Not being hurt in said Thanksgiving Day football.
My Family.
My Parents.
My Brother being home from college.
A roof over my head.
My wonderful, awesome, friends.
The Civil War. (Oregon v Oregon State. Not North v South. Although it did help bring an end to slavery and such… so I’m pretty thankful for that too.)
A job.
My Car.
Movies.
I live in a country where people can buy thousands of pies in one day.
I live in a country where people can make thousands of pies in one day.
I live in a country where we celebrate holidays in which, gorging out on food, playing/watching football, not giving people gifts, and getting the day off.
I live in a country where I’m allowed to vote.
I’m live in a country where I’m able to question my government.
The Red Sox.
Manchester United.
Girls who wear “party pants/soroity pants” to The Warehouse to do some Thanksgiving shopping.
Those same girls who have a little bit of Vicky’s Secret showing. Makes an eight hour day just a bit more bearable.
Girls who wear boyshorts.
Beer Pong.
Jack Daniels.
Having Crushes.
Las Vegas.
Combination of Beer Pong IN Las Vegas.
My Bed.
My Grandparents. Both sets.
Paragon.
The invention of the thong.
Nike.
Video Games.
The Internet.
My little Hula Girl dashboard top that moves while I type.
Ikea.
Holiday Sales.
Music.
My Health.
The new trend in womens fashion, to wear long wool coats, skirts, and FM Boots.
FM Boots.
College Football Saturdays.
Being a Coach.

Good times with friends, with many more to come.

Happy Thanksgiving 08′ Everyone.

Bob Saget….

Man if this wasn’t a kick in the ass…..

So I’m minding my own business wasting away my life on the internet like most unemployed people do. When I figured it was time to visit the ole iTunes to see what I’ve been missing out on in life.

Come to find out, not much really.

However, I do like to peruse the Celebrity Playlists every so often to see who I’m compatible with. For the most part I’m not compatible with anyone. It’s funny to me to see all these tv/movie stars select music that no one’s heard of, and just pick it to be like “oooh look at me, I’m so original, I’m earth friendly too, so here is a reflection of my musical tastes that you’ve never heard of.”

That’s how I know actor/actresses are full of shit. I know you’re were al listening to the Backstreet Boys back then. I know you’re probably in love with the Katie Perry song I Kissed a Girl now. Admit it. No one thinks less of you. Join the masses, I mean shit, we buy your movies, tv shows, etc etc, throw us a bone.

Come to think of it, I was compatible with one “celebrity.” Maria Sharapova. Ooooh how we could have spent many a nights staying up late, talking Russian, taking pictures with your Canon Powershot, trying on our new clothes from the Nike employee store, all the while listening to our shared perfect playlist. *sigh*

Alas, more than likely none of that was going to come to fruition.

However, I got an an unexpected compatibility score when I came across none other than Danny Tanner’s Celebrity Playlist. I’m not going to lie, 90% of this list is awesome. I love/like a great deal most of the songs on this playlist.

That doesn’t mean that me and Bob Saget are going to be hanging out anytime soon. That is unless I get to come over while he visits his next door neighbors. (That my friends was a reference to Entourage. Make sure to check out that episode cause that one was hilarious. And the neighbors were hot.)

Here is Bob Saget’s playlist. (With my comments added.)

Creep Radiohead

I’ve always loved this song. I’m pretty sure my brother got me hooked on this back when I was a little Alterna-Teen. This was a pretty sweet little anthem and the guitar riff was pretty bad ass. Pretty sure I may have air guitared once or twice to this little ditty.

Better Man Pearl Jam

I’m not sure why, but this has always stood out in my head as one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs. I think it came from the Live in Atlanta 3 CD set that I used to have. I used to plug in headphones and lay there and listen to this album. Thank god it was grunge back then, cause I couldn’t handle myself being emo.

Gimme Shelter The Rolling Stones

I love this song too. For one it’s on Rock Band, and we all know how much I love Rock Band. Two, its a pretty sweet Rolling Stones song. Three, if I’m not mistaken it’s the song used to open The Departed. Scorcese and The Rolling Stones go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly. Look up on IMDB.com how many times he’s used their songs. It’s a lot. I’ve always want to see a Stones concert, just to say I’d been.

Wake Me Up When September Ends Green Day

Meh, not my favorite Green Day song. American Idiot was good and all, but probably my all time favorite album from Green Day was Kerplunk. Look that one up.

All Apologies (Live) Nirvana

I loved this performance. Loved it. I’ve always wanted a huge flat-screen tv and surround sound so I could play music DVD’s while just lounging around my house. Well, I don’t have my own house, or flat-screen, or even this DVD. If i did, I can almost guarantee this would be on. A lot.

Should I Stay or Should I Go The Clash

Classic.

The Heart of the Matter Don Henley

I used to program this song for the radio station I worked for. Good times Mr. Don Henley.

(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding Elvis Costello & The Attractions

Can’t say I’d really ever heard this before. Lot of people have Elvis Costello on their list. Maybe I should check him out.

4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy) Bruce Springsteen

I didn’t say I love everything Bob does.

Sullivan Street Counting Crows August and Everything After

RPG, my roommate from college, LOVES the Counting Crows. Needless to say, this isn’t one of my favorite songs and I’ve heard it MANY times. I also saw Adam Duritz one early morning at McCarran International Airport in Vegas. Considering he was looking very much like me on a flight home, I decided probably wasn’t the most opportune time to be asking for a photo. RPG is going to be pissed.

Say John Mayer Say

I literally hate this song.

Free Fallin’ Tom Petty

Never been a BIG fan of Tom Petty, but I’ve always enjoyed this one. I think it goes way back to when I used to skateboard. (before breaking my arm.) And I’d see this video on MTV. He had all sorts of skateboarders on there. And I tried looking it up, but couldn’t find anything, I remember a long time ago, some story about one of the models in the shoot being killed by her bf or something. I dunno. Cool story. Cool Video. Cool song.

Gold Digger (feat. Jamie Foxx) Kanye West

Oh how I love Kanye West. Like a lot. He’s probably one of my all time favorite musicians. Plus this song is wicked fun, and unfortunately entirely true. Of course I’ll never know that, because I generally don’t find too many Gold Diggin women whilst unemployed. (I am now also going to make a more conscious effort to use “whilst.”)

Pork and Beans Weezer

Weezer is one of my all time favorite bands. Although we’ve had a bit of a break up in recent years with their other albums. Pinkerton was one of the last glorious albums they did. Rivers Cuomo brought back a little of the Old School Weezer magic with his solo effort, but something was still missing. Man I love Weezer.

Fake Plastic Trees Radiohead

I forgot how much I loved this song. And upon further review I didn’t have it in my iTunes. Thanks Bob Saget!

All These Things That I’ve Done The Killers

The Killers, are probably my second all time favorite band. (U2 is up there too, I just have a hard time making decisions.) And this, is probably my favorite song they’ve done. Which is cool because Nike has just used it in an AMAZING commercial. I’ve stated this before, but if you ever get the chance to check out The Killers, shell out the money and do it! It’s well worth it.

Intergalactic Beastie Boys

This song reminds me of my freshman year in college. All the sluts were shaking thier ass to this song. Thank god for the Beastie Boys.

The Comeback Shout Out Louds

I had never heard this. Still not sure I like it.

Hit So Hard Hole

It shocks me ever day that Courtney Love is still alive.

The Lady Is a Tramp Frank Sinatra

Who doesn’t love a little Frank Sinatra. I think it’s cool he was linked to the mob. Like really cool. Cause the mob is cool. I’ve got stories about a current singer who sounds much like Sinatra that has alleged ties. Its kinda cool.

God Gave Me Everything Mick Jagger

meh.

Baba O’Riley The Who

This is what Bob had to say about this song… and i quote “I used to run the mile to this song, wanting to be like Roger Daltry who ran in place to it. One of the best rock bands I’ve ever seen in concert. And I’ve seen the best. Hell, I worked with ‘Jesse and the Rippers.’

California Phantom Planet

Is it sick that I love this song? Please tell me no, because I do. I really, really do. I’m not sure what it is. The hook, the guitar, the piano…. ahh that’s right, it’s none of those. It’s Seth, Ryan, Summer and Marissa. Although I hate Marissa. If Marissa and the song Say were in a fight to the Death, I’m not sure which one i would pick. Either one could go. Good thing I dont’ listen to the radio too much and Marissa is dead. ahhhh all is right with the world.

California Love 2Pac

I find it hilarious that this song is a.) not only a fav of mine. but b.) a song that reminds Bob Saget of going to the clubs. I know I’m a white kid from the Pacific Northwest, but I do love my rap. I do love it.

My Funny Valentine Chet Baker

I bummed that Bob ended his playlist on a song that, well, I’ve never heard of. We were going so good there for a bit Bob. Damn.

So there you have it folks. Me and Bob. Soulmates in music.

That last statement will haunt my dreams.

ps, for those that really care, the Roast of Bob Saget will be on Comedy Central on August 17th. Check it out for countless hilarious jokes about Bob and the Olsen Twins.